Monday, December 30, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
She left my left hand free just in case there was some kind of an emergency, however she placed small beads on my body. One at my throat, one on my chest, one in my belly button, and one just above my cock.
She said "you can play however you like, but don't let these fall while I'm gone." She then found a 5 hour long sound file on youtube of some drone-like chanting, and kissed me goodbye.
I had to stay almost motionless for almost 5 hours! It was torture. all I could do was rock my hips a bit to rub the butt plug inside of me. Masturbating didn't work for fear of losing the beads on my body.
Monday, August 12, 2013
She isn't fairing much better with her lips and labia.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Is male chastity "unmanly"?
It you don't feel like reading the whole thing, that page discusses the 'small and worthless penis' fetish that I see all over the internet. In fact, I've had a lot of conversations about this with friends over the years about bondage and submission involving males.
When women are in submission, there are all different types. Some are gentle (although that is rare, I know) and some is very hard core, but there is certainly a gradient of different types that can be found in the vastness of the internet. However when there are submissive males viewed in porn or text or captioned images, it seems like the whole fetish of submission involves taking a man and telling him how absolutely worthless and undeserving he is.
I have a submissive side, and it does go into the realms of kink quite a bit, however watching porn where the man is considered a worthless waste of space is not appealing to me.
Since I've gotten this chastity belt I've looked up videos on chastity and so far, every one of them has involved women talking about how worthless the cock is, and how much it might as well fall off, and how much better they are than I am.
This isn't submission, this is abuse.
When men are portrayed as submissive in porn culture they are often treated like dirt. Their faces are driven into the ground and they are all but raped by cruel dominatrixes. Where are the trained and guided submissives? Where are the men who aren't "tricked" or "forced" into their roll?
Where are the women who value their submissive, and treat them like a valuable resource to them, instead of as a worthless loser who isn't worth the time of day?
One passage from the link I shared above that I liked was this.
Now, I don't see myself as being the epitome of manliness by any means. I'm not perfect. I'm not a body builder, and I am not always the most confident and controlled person in the world. However it's nice to be treated like I have worth and value, even when I am submitting to someone. It's nice to have the work that is put in be respected in some way.
This doesn't mean I just want to be pampered all the time. I still have the desire to be used, pushed to the edge of my limits, maybe even humiliated a bit. I want to get fucked until I can't see straight, I want to be edged until I go crazy. I want to see how far I can go before I can't take it any more, and then be forced to go just that one step farther! Why? I don't know. However I do know that I can't do it by myself. I need someone who I trust to help take me there.
I'm lucky enough to have an open minded lover, who doesn't judge me for the crazy kinks that go on in my head. I trust her to take me to that edge and then push me over without letting me fall and hurt myself. And she has trusted me in the past to do the same with her.
I just wish that the porn culture would reflect this type of organic style of submission more often, instead of all the masculine rape porn that pervades the internet. Where does all the hate come from? Who really wants to lock up their man for their entire lives, solder the lock closed and then laugh about it? That's not fun, or sexy. That's just mean.
I've always considered sex to be the way that adult best friends play with each other, in the same way children play in the sand box and imagine and play games.
But any child that plays the way some of these captioned images or videos portray, are bullies, and as far as I'm concerned, they have no place outside of perhaps a short lived scene, or extreme fantasy.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
I thought I was home free! Then I took a few steps.
They've been sensitive, and are growing more so all the time, but I took a few steps this morning and as my balls brushed against my legs I was close to kneeling down and cumming right there.
It. Felt. So. Good.
Can you imagine? Cumming just from a gentle brush against my balls?!
I hope today is easier than yesterday, but the way things have started I'm not sure...
Today is day 11.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
This has been an interesting experience so far, but today it's almost unbearable. Not painful in any way, but so arousing that it's all I can do not to kneel down on the floor where I stand and just cup them, and massage them until my eyes roll back in my head.
I don't know why, all of a sudden, this morning my body has finally given way into this hyper arousal. Has this happened to anyone else?
Maybe it was the excitement and teasing of last nights meeting with Luchia that's pushed me over the edge.
I work alone for the most part during the day cleaning and painting rental apartments. Today this is a very good thing because I've found myself literally stopped in mid swipe with a cleaning rag, staring at nothing and panting for breath, my mouth watering as an overwhelming rush sweeps over my body, centered at my swollen, pulsating testicles.
17 days left of waiting. I know that I can make it, but I hope I'll still be sane.
Am I being a big baby? I knew it would be hard, but I never expected feeling quite like this.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
No sex, just talk of our day, and about our wedding, and people and each others dreams and desires. These are some of the best times. Just spending time with each other is important. If sex was everything then the relationship would be flat, and empty. Living life together takes more than just physical gratification.
Besides, if we didn't like spending time together without sex, then chastity would be unbearable wouldn't it?
After dinner we retreated to the back seat of my car underneath some trees in the far side of the parking lot where nobody was around. We snuggled up in the back, and she laid in my arms while we discussed our marriage vows that we would say to each other.
We laughed and poked at each other. There was indeed plenty of flirting too though now that we weren't in the public eye.
Oh to kiss her... Her tongue tasted sweet, despite the spicy food we had eaten. I lifted her shirt enough to feel the flesh of her waist as we kissed in a way that we've been to rushed, or too busy to kiss like for what seems like a hundred years.
She even sang me a song as we lay in the back seat. She sang soft and slow, of a place of rest and release, of peace and home. She sang into my ear and into my neck and I could feel the shiver of her closeness spread down my spine and into the small of my back where the energy rested and sank deep within me.
18 more days. We recited this to each other over and over. We're both counting down. We both want the wait to be over just as bad as the other.
I have a feeling that it will go by faster than we think, however every day may seem like an eternity. Collectively, it's only two full weekends.
There is still much to do between now and then, and I'm sure that they will get done. But all the while in the background my passion grows. I can not wait to be married to her.
I shouldn't have to specify that many of them involve sex of some kind. However, as though my body knows that I'm unable to actually cum, I am even wearing my chastity harness in my dreams!
The other night I had a dream where I was in the water, at the beach swimming and when I came out I had lost my suit, but I was still wearing my cage. Instead of shock or laughter it was met with careful artistic consideration, but I felt exposed. Then Mistress Luchia walked me up to one of those seaside bars and had me sit on the counter while we had small talk with the bartender. Luchia was showing me off proudly and happily, but I remember being more than a little embarrassed about it all. I woke up that morning slightly before my alarm when she started, in the dream, to tease me to get me hard in the cage to show some people who were asking questions, then I woke up straining against the plastic walls. I had to take a shower to get it to go down!
Last night I dreamed that I was out in public with my Mistress. We were talking with friends and having a grand time, I was again naked, and she kept hinting that we should get out of there to go be alone.
She chased me around the room playfully and then down the street until we came to our small 2nd story flat somewhere a little ways outside of downtown of the city we were in. I was to go upstairs and get ready and she was going to join me in a bit. Then I just remember some flashes of intimacy and the sweet feeling of her fingertips through the tiny holes in the cage.
Eventually this dream turned into a more mundane one involving a long walk down a road with a blind man and a bear... I'm not sure what that one meant, but I was at least clothed for it!
This is day 9. I have read blogs of other men in chastity that last for months, or even over a year! I don't know if that would be very fun. I'm not a through and through submissive. Don't get me wrong, I am quite submissive, and I love the feeling of it! However it's not my permanent state of being. My lover and I are equals in life. I give myself to her as she gives herself to me, and we would have it no other way.
This month is worth every moment of frustration. In some ways though I think I would have done better to keep my mind off of sex if I didn't have this on. I thought I might get used to it and have more time for other things, but it seems I'm even more distracted by sexual thoughts than I was before! Just now, I can have no release.
I'll last, and I'll survive. This is just has a very interesting newness to it.
I get to see her again tonight. We're going over our vows. I can't wait.
Monday, August 5, 2013
That wasn't the case.
I saw my Lover a few times through the week, but never long enough, or in the right location to offer me a moment to let me 'breath.' When I was on my way to see her, part of me hoped that that might happen. That I might get a few moments to be able to be free of my confines. Though, when I actually was in her presence I was so thrilled to get to be with her that I mostly forgot about being locked away in chastity and was just overjoyed to be in the presence of Luchia.
It's been 8 days now that I've been locked away. I've been unable to touch myself except for the use of the hand held shower sprayer. It's a wonderful feeling, those warm jets of water, but they're not nearly enough to get me off. Just a comfortable tease!
I never thought I'd be able to last this long, but the CB is a comfortable fit. The sheath is still a bit long I think, but that hasn't been too much of a problem overall. And for anyone who thinks that I'm cheating, when I wake up with morning wood, it's just as confining as the CBs would be. I'm pressed hard up against the point where the cage curves down, and my balls are pulled tight away from my body.
The first few days this was painful and would wear on me. Now it's become one of the nicest parts of the day. A moment of erection. A sweet relief. Even some actual sensation against the skin of my shaft! Oh it's heavenly to wake up hard, to massage my sensitive balls in the morning.
My day to day life has been fairly normal now after I got used to moving about with the cage on. I can't bend over quite as well, or else I'll end up pinching things. I also have to be careful to cross my legs just so if I'm in public places, else people around me will see what to them might seem like a small erection of a very large flaccid penis! Not something I really want to be showing off in polite company. Although Luchia laughed a bit at this and seemed almost delighted to brush off what others might think when they were staring at me. "Nobody's looking at your crotch anyway." I hope she's right.
19 days to go before the night before the wedding. I don't know if I'll get free before then, but I suppose time will tell. To think about the coming days it seems like an eternity! However, looking back at the past 8, it's almost as though they all went by in an instant. Funny how time does that.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Wandering around town today I was rubbing against the seat of my truck. I find myself pressing into things constantly. Now that I'm at home I try to occupy myself with cleaning, projects that I need to get done, downloading music, dishes, ANYTHING, but my mind just keeps going back to sex.
Normally I have sex on the mind, but when I come the urge dissipates for a while anyway. right now I can't masturbate no matter how badly I want to, but my balls are heavy and full, and I can feel my insides yearning for some kind of release.
I didn't think it would be this difficult after only a WEEK!! I mean really? Am I that desperate? I feel like I'm a failure as a person for wanting sex SO BADLY! I'm typing in all caps for pete's sake.
I mean, how is it so easy for girls to go so long without sex? And I feel like other guys must be able to go more than a week. Am I just weak willed? I must be or else I wouldn't have needed the cage I suppose...
The cage is awesome, but it's also extremely frustrating. All I want is to cum! Just a little! I'd take precum!
The urge to get fucked has never been greater either. I enjoy anal penetration, sure, but right now I NEED it. Just the thought of sitting down on my Mistresses big cock and rocking back and forth on it makes my mouth water. Just the idea of resting the head of it inside of me right on my prostate and grinding down against it makes me strain against my constraints!
I need to find something to get my mind of of this. I made the agreement that I wouldn't cum unless I'm with her, and I promised long before that I wouldn't fuck myself with Mistress Luchia's cock unless I asked her first, so it's not going anywhere but back in the drawer (I just wanted to show you all.)
At first I couldn't really stand the clicking everywhere I went. CLICK CLICK CLICK! All through the house. It's been a little over 36 hours now though, and I've gotten used to it. More than used to it, I've actually started to enjoy it! The small rattling of the cage gives me a little bump every time it connects, and that feels good as I move around. Any sensation feels good! But it's also the sound.
Like a cats small bell, this lock is a symbol of ownership, and of trust. I know that my lover will treat me well, and so this lock is a pleasant reminder if that love. When I hear it click click clicking away when I walk around, I remember with every step why I'm doing this. At first it was a little annoying, but now I catch myself swinging my hips around some just to make it jingle.
Some people might think I'm crazy, and maybe I am, but I enjoy it.
Friday, August 2, 2013
This morning I was met with a bit of pain though. It's a dull ache, but it's distracting, and such a wonderful change of pace that it actually feels kind of good!
It felt amazing.
I'm so sensitive from having no real contact to my penis for 5 days (It's only been that long?) that even the slightest sensation is enough to send a shiver down my back.
I don't know though. Is this cheating? Some people have commented that my sheath is too long, and I should have the shorter one to prevent this very thing. I partially agree, but I don't have the money to upgrade right now. And at the moment, I am so glad I didn't, because this is incredible.
Not nearly enough stimulus to cum, but enough to give me a very happy morning.
Time for coffee and a muffin now. I wonder how long this erection will last.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
The ball discomfort isn't so bad really. It comes and goes. For me anyway. I've never really gotten blue balls before though. (Maybe I masturbated too often.)
I have also been thinking that once I take this off, my sack will probably hang lower than before. It used to be safely tucked up into my body most of the day while I worked and did stuff, but now they're proudly on display no matter what I'm doing! They can't retreat into my body at all!! So I'm wondering what they'll look like once the month is over... I asked Luchia what she thought about that and she said "Well, it's your body. If you're ok with it then I don't mind." I guess we'll see.
All I know right now is that they are far more sensitive than they've ever been before. I find myself stroking them in the evening before bed. When I take showers I hold the water on them for prolonged periods of time, and it feels phenomenal.
I've also caught myself leaning my crotch into things during the day. Counter tops, doors, chairs. When I'm cleaning something by the sink or leaning over a table to grab things, just that small bit of pressure is enough to send my insides aglow. I have never had such a low level arousal stay with me all. day. long before.
I mean, I have always been horny all day. I always have the desire to cum, but it was different. Normally my arousal is more piercing. "I have to jack off nooow!" and I will, and it'll be done with for a while. What I'm experiencing now is like a slow burning ember deep in the base of my testicles. It's like tantric sex. I can feel the slow build just sitting there, waiting to release.
Soon enough. I just have to be patient.
I posted some of my findings up on 4chan and there is quite a discussion going on over there. I've been told that instead of buying the CB-6000 I should have gotten the CB-6000s. The s stands for Small, and it would take away some of the empty space at the end of my cage.
If I had known about that before I bought this one, then I probably would have. Having all of the extra space is actually quite difficult to deal with. I've got to shower twice a day just to keep it cleaned out after I pee. It's not the worst thing in the world though.
Another modification I had to do was use some tape to tape the lock to the device. If I didn't, then it would rattle around, and when I walked I was like a cat with a bell. This might be good in a lot of scenarios, but not when I'm at work, or visiting family!
I am so horny. I had a dream last night where I was being seduced by a ghost as I walked through a deserted campground. She kept giving me a 'come hither' finger, and grinning at me, but I could never get close enough to her. I woke up twice with a raging erection, and the head of my cock fighting against the tube of the cage.
I have 23 days left. Then I'll be released for the wedding. Shortly after I'll be able to sleep with my new wife. If four days felt like weeks, how long will the next 23 feel like?
Monday, July 29, 2013
Last night was surprisingly comfortable!
I slept all through the night. No waking up half way through my sleep cycle with a painful hard on. Not once.
The only erection I was aware of was the one that I got after I woke up in the morning. They're not painful in this cage, just noticeably stifled.
One thing that is a little frustrating though is that even when I do get harder, my penis doesn't fill out the full length of the plastic sheath. I get stuck where it begins to bend downward, and my cock head doesn't go any further.
It's as though I was wearing a cage over an inch shorter than I really am!
In some ways I suppose that's ok, but if I wasn't going to be using all this extra room, I should have probably bought a shorter harness.
Walking around today has been fairly comfortable so far. We'll see how things go.
I'm also excited about the amount of people that have been visiting the blog this last week! Orsm.net posted my email up on the site, so most of the new readership is from there. It will be sad to watch the numbers drop again on Thursday, but hopefully some of you are interested enough to stick around with me.
I'll be posting either way.
Back to work I go.
Less than a month left. I can't wait.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
I was lucky enough to be able to spend all weekend free of the device. After my Mistress allowed me freedom from my old chamber, I was waiting, rather impatiently, for my new one to arrive in the mail. Saturday morning I went to the post office to get it, and off I drove to visit my Lover.
We were in public with her family all weekend however. We had hardly a moment of alone time for the past two days so sadly, she was unable to put it on for me. This worked out in a way because once I got home I was able to play around with proper spacers, and ring sizes, instead of having to rush to get it on.
It took a bit to figure out all of the pieces, and how they were supposed to be assembled, but after finding a video on xtube I got it all figured out.
The gold lock is the one that came with the device. I am locked now. I made sure to give my Mistress the keys before I left today, so that they are all safe and sound with her. There are three of them. She has all three.
The CB-6000 is so much more comfortable than the last device I was wearing! Not only that, it doesn't show up as prominently under my pants! Double bonus! I feel like this will be a lot better all around. Without as much irritation means I won't have to worry about any more abrasions or cuts from the plastic. Also, no zip ties!
Luchia was surprised that I could even fit into the device. I think she gives my size a bit too much credit. While I might be big enough for her when I'm hard, when I'm soft I'm not much to look at.
I've yet to achieve an erection while wearing this new device though, so I'm not sure how well it accommodates. We'll see in the wee hours of the morning how much pain I'm in from the straining of my cock against the hard plastic... We'll see.
Friday, July 26, 2013
After our hello's and a bit of catching up, she got up and told me to remove my pants. "Why are you wearing pants in the house anyway?" Of course I did as she told me to. She knelt in front of me and told me to look up as she entered the combination to the lock, and slowly removed my ring, and the cage surrounding my tender penis.
The feeling was incredible. The joy was better than when, after being outside working on a cold we day, when your socks are wet and your feet are sore, you finally come back inside and remove your heavy soaked boots, and dig your toes into the carpet. I was free! Oh what a feeling! I also got to take a look at what damage had been done.
She took a look at the friction lines and small cuts that had been left by my entrapment, and she massaged my balls, and my flaccid penis for a few glorious minutes. It wasn't arousing. I wasn't turned on by this beautiful woman massaging me. The massage just felt magnificent.
We went on to enjoy our evening as many couples do. We talked about our day, did a few small household chores. I took a shower. It was a wonderful evening. I also had the opportunity to show her the new CB-6000 that I ordered. She agreed that this would hopefully be a better option than the current cage that I have.
That night we cuddled in bed, and for the first time since my release I was able to get hard without anything pushing back at me. What a feeling! I normally take it for granted, but now I felt new again. She felt it too, and reached down to have a feel.
She slowly teased me, from bottom to top with the soft tips of her fingers. She traced the length of my cock with her fingernails and whispered into my ear.
Luchia is such a tease.
She kept me on edge for 20 minutes or so. She would slowly stroke my cock until I was arching my back and grasping the bed sheets and then!-- nothing! She would pull away, leaving me to whimper and beg her to continue.
She did this a number of times that I can't remember, but I'm sure it had to be close to a million. I was ready to explode. She leaned in close to my ear and asked me "Am I being to mean to you? Should I let you cum?"
I shivered. Her voice is intoxicating. It seeps into my brain and shuts everything down when I hear her whisper like that. "You've been such a good boy all week. Putting up with the pain and the scratches...
I was on fire.
She hit one of my key words. I'd started listening to hypnosis tracks by Isabella Valentine a few years back, and that is one of her hypnosis trigger words for becoming more aroused. I had used the same words on my Lover when we had first started exploring each other sexually, so she knows how to push my buttons.
And she did push my buttons. "Ten..." she said. Her half smirk was showing. She was having so much fun! I could hardly notice though. My eyes were rolling into the back of my head. She had me pinned down and was stroking my cock hard and fast as she continued her count down.
"Nine... Eight. Seven, Six, Five!"
I was about to explode! It was all I could do to keep it together.
"Four..." She took her tongue and latched onto my right nipple. Her nibbling and sucking sent electricity through every piece of me! "Three..."
I moaned out loud. I had been the whole time but I could feel my cum surging through my glands.
"ZERO." There it was. The trigger word we had been using. She was allowing me to finally cum, after so many days of not even being able to have an erection, and now finally, sweet release! The explosion started in my toes and shot up through my like a firehose. I came hard.
It felt like someone had dropped a glass of warm water on me. Luchia told me she'd never seen me cum so much before. "We'll have to look into getting that semen recipe book you saw online!" She said. I'm not sure if she was joking or not... but she said I had cum at least a quarter of a cup of semen.
I was spent, and I was happy. We cleaned up, we went to bed, and I slept. For the first night this week, I slept through the night without any pain in my testicles from a nocturnal erection gone wrong.
This morning we woke up and she let me cum one more time. She masturbated me and then passed it off for me to finish for times sake, even though she said she would have liked to have teased me for another hour. She had to leave for work though, and so this wasn't a possibility. She granted me freedom for the day though. "Don't put that other one back on. It's hurting you, and I want those intact." She pointed towards my balls. I agree.
I'm going to be free until I get the new cage in the mail. I'm not to touch myself though until then, and I intend on being good.
I have a wonderful Mistress who is kind to me. I see a lot of male chastity online and it's very violent, and degrading.
My chastity isn't like that. This is a gift to her, to show my support for her desires. She loves me, and she has given me so much of herself. My chastity is a sacrifice and a gift that I can grant to her in return, and it doesn't even begin to measure what she deserves.
I love my Luchia. I can't wait until next time.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Only about 5 hours left until I get to see my Mistress Luchia. She's on her way into town for business and she'll be staying with me tonight.
I love it when she comes by. I can already feel her next to me!
I can't say I'm not made even more excited by the prospect of being let out of my cage for a break, however long or short.
She will be leaving tomorrow morning. That's not long of a visit but work is work.
I don't know when my new cage will be in. I would like to switch over to it as soon as it arrives! But I want her to have the key for safe keeping... I wish I had thought to order it sooner.
Will a regular master lock fit in it, I wonder? Or does it only take its own lock.
I could give her the key to the lock that I already have, and then simply lock myself in when the new one arrives.
It would mean a day of freedom... But that might be good for my sack to heal from the wearing of the current cage.
Who knows what tonight will hold though. I guess we'll find out.
It turns out that I have nocturnal erections at both 230am, and 430am, every night, almost on the dot.
I know this because that's about the time that I've been waking up at night to massage my nether regions with hopes that the swelling organ will give up fighting against it's restraints!
In the past this is the time of night that I might have woken up to lazily masturbate myself back to sleep.
Now I still rub myself, but to a frustrating end. This will be a long month.
I made the decision yesterday to get a higher quality cage. I ordered a CB-6000 from amazon for a good price, and I'm hoping it comes in the mail before too long.
I get to see my Lover tonight. I can't wait. Not so much because of the prospect of release. I've gotten used to my confinement. I just miss her.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
I'm actually the youngest on the crew, at the age of 26. The next guy? 39.
These men interact in a particular way. There's a lot of poking fun of each other. Off colour remarks are common, as are insults about being unskilled, bad in bed, gay, or attracted to ugly women. All in all, things that are, unfortunately, considered "guy talk."
Today there were a lot of jokes directed towards one of my coworkers. He is big, buff, and black, and he's very proud of his one foot long penis! We've never seen it, but we've all heard stories that he's told, and heard the stories of women that he's been with. With all of his pride, he is very easy to get to. Tease him even a little and he get's all uppity!
Say he has a tiny penis and well... his stammering and resolute refusal of that being the truth is hilarious to watch.
What struck me today though is that while my coworker was being teased, here I was with my own cock stuck in a confining cage. If any of them had known what I was walking around with, I'm sure the teasing would have been directed in a much different direction.
I felt very exposed all day. My job today involved cleaning things in an old apartment unit, so I was on my knees for a good portion of the day. Nothing could have made me feel more self conscious though as when people would walk about behind me.
We ate a big lunch at a local restaurant. It was delicious, but I ate far too much! This came in handy though because as I was walking into the apartment afterwards I had to take a strange step in order to move my cage back into place so that I didn't pinch me so much.
I know that nobody can see anything. Nobody looks, nobody has noticed so far. I'm the only one that can tell a difference. "I can tell you ate too much! You're walking funny."
Yes, I 'ate too much.' That's it.
Tomorrow evening I get to see my Fiance. I can't wait. It's hard to go so many days without being able to talk to her in person.
I'm also hoping that she will show me kindness, and grant me a few moments of freedom.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
I don't think it will be an issue. My body will heal, and it will be tougher for all of the trial and tribulation. I just need to be sure to keep it clean! And I tell you what, I will keep it clean!
I expected something like this, so I've been checking.
I also think I figured out a way to add side bars to the cage so that I don't need to use zip ties anymore. It will have to wait until I get a short reprieve though granted to me by my Mistress. Hopefully she'll see the merit in my idea...
"Right now, I couldn't accomplish that if I tried," I thought. My cage felt very heavy, but there was also a flutter of peace. An understanding of my female counterparts who go through the same thing.
I'm sorry for all of the times I've teased you by saying "you could if you really wanted to." Now I'm sure that I'm wrong.
I woke up 3 times. The first was a normal nocturnal erection. It hurt, but it subsided after I massaged my balls for a bit.
The second was a much worse erection. This sent me running though. It wouldn't go away. And I've modified the cage a bit so I had something that was wrong.
See without the screw the penis section of the cage can flop around a bit. this leads not only to discomfort, but also in the possibility of me falling out of it!! That not only would break my promise, but it would also be very awkward if it happened in public. So I added some zip ties to hold it together.
Monday, July 22, 2013
I tried to sleep, but my erections felt like they would never subside! I would toss and turn and moan and whimper. My hands found their way to my exposed and swollen balls and grabbed them, trying to massage them and get them to convince my cock to retreat back into it's smaller state once again.
This happened several times last night. I would eventually fall asleep, only to be woken again by a raging hard on pushing at the inside of my plastic prison. Yet I couldn't help but smile. This was my doing, and it was for my Lover. The cage was like the hand of my Mistress Luchia, and she was the one who would eventually set me free, just like she had before in so many ways.
The morning eventually came, even if I didn't. I got up and used the toilet. This takes much longer than it used to before my cage. Having to clean around every small area inside and out is time consuming. But I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually.
I got ready for work. Got into my truck and drove away from the safety of my house.
I was nervous.
My pants don't show too much of anything. They're loose enough to hide my added mass, but it doesn't stop me from being nervous.
Mistress says it's because I know something is different, and so I expect others to know too. But they won't know unless I show them. It doesn't stop me from feeling anxious about the close proximity to so many people who know me while I have a swinging weight and padlock between my legs!
For the most part the day went as normal though. I got a few erections. They were as painful as they had been the night before. Some when I would start over thinking what had happened over the weekend. One when I was standing a particular way and my balls brushed very sweetly over the inside of my underpants. And a couple for no reason at all. Those were the most frustrating!
Aside from those setbacks I did fairly well. I have to get out of the truck a different way than what I'm used to. The cage has a large lump on the bottom of it that pokes into my scrotum, and it's the only part of the cage that I can really feel. It pinched me a few times, but I'm not sure if it's something that I'll get used to, or if I'll have to do something about it...
It was about half way through the day when I thought that this would be something worth documenting online. Luchia had suggested that we make a video about the beginning, showing my excitement for the month to come. "That way you'll remember that YOU asked for this," she told me with a grin.
I will see my Lover on Thursday, and she says that if I'm good, she might let me out.
I don't know what I've gotten myself into, but I do hope that the days pass quickly.
It's time for bed now. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, and I'm sure I won't get much sleep.
I started to pick things up in the bedroom. I was going to take a shower. Our time was running out before she had to leave for home, and I wasn't sure we would even get to the best laid plans we'd made the day before.
I was wrong.
She walked out of the bathroom, bare and powerful. she smirked at me. I loved this smirk. Only one corner of one side of her mouth bends upwards, and her eyebrows twitch with the voice of a challenge.
I removed my clothes as well and headed towards the shower. My cage was still in place, yet only with the screw, and it was in need of being cleaned after two days of use.
She joined me under the water as I bathed, and brought with her a screw driver. ahhh freedom! It was a wonderful thing! And even better, only a moment after my cock had been freed, she trapped it again, yet this time in the soft and tantalizing confines of her mouth. She teased me until I was hard, then stood again.
"Go on." She said to me, beckoning me to continue with my shower. I did as I was told. I showered, shaved my cock, balls, ass, and then rinsed myself off under the water. I got out of the shower and moved to the bedroom, and she followed close behind.
The next hour went by slowly, and I am glad that it did. It was an hour that I would have let last forever. We made love with one another like there was no tomorrow, and in some ways we both knew this was true.
She rode on top of me at first, then told me to fuck her if I wanted, and oh I did! I pushed her off of me, we both flipped positions and I held her knees up to her chest as I entered her. I love this position. Wrapping her up like a small package, and then teasing, fucking, and toying with her all I want.
She came twice, internal orgasms, and I came once inside of her. We collapsed into a heap to breath... This is almost always the best part of sex for me. The aftermath, the cuddling, the smiles and silly expressions. It's in the moments after sex, when we're breathless, naked, and vulnerable that I'm the most comfortable about my place in life.
I still had a craving though. I was in need of something more.
We have been experimenting more and more with anal sex lately. She's gotten quite good at finding my prostate and massaging it, and one of our goals is for her to be able to make me cum without any other stimulation except for her finger inside of me.
I love this feeling, and she was kind enough to let me feel it again. I didn't end up cumming from her finger this time, but she did give me quite a good fucking with it.
After all of this love making, time was running short. It was time for the cage to go back on. My Mistress had me gather the pieces of the cage and get them ready. I had to take a drill and make the hole where the screw once went a little bigger to accommodate the lock. From now on this is only a locking device.
I sat on the edge of the bed as I readied the ring around my cock and balls. She took my dick into her mouth and got me hard again. It didn't take much. She tells me she likes doing this so that I can feel myself being trapped and confined.
She knows how to push my buttons in all the right ways.
The cage went on.
The lock was fed through the hole.
"Do you give yourself willingly to me? This is your choice?" She asked me.
"Yes." I felt suddenly a bit apprehensive. She was playing a moment ago and now her demeanor had changed entirely.
"You know that I'll never hurt you. Do you trust me?"
"Yes. I trust you."
She smiled, and I heard a Click.
It was done. I was locked up, and she held the key to the number lock in her head.
I was hers.
This was nothing like the other day. The feeling was something new entirely! I felt more naked than I ever had in my entire life. I had given my penis away. I no longer had the power to grow erect. I would not be able to cum unless it was with her.
I was hers.
I fell to my knees and shook. It was such an overwhelming feeling. One that I still can not describe. Goosebumps covered my body and I looked up at her. She was concerned, but I told her that it was ok. I was happy, and I was willing. This exchange of power had simply left me feeling... small.
I spent the rest of the evening trying to sort out my emotions. I was more in love than ever. I was more sure of it now than I ever had been. To know that there was someone who I could trust so fully filled me to the brim with joy!
It still does. I'm not over the feeling. I hope that I never will be.
There are a lot of tools that I know how to use, and even when I don't know exactly how to use them, I do a pretty good job with figuring out how to do things the hard way.
I set to work Thursday morning trying to design a well fashioned cock cage in my mind. I did some research online to figure out some designs, and then made a plan.
A trip to the hardware store that night proved to be very useful. I had several different sections of pvc pipe! I had some small nuts. I already had my drill and other tools, and I could use the heat from the stove to melt things. All would go well!
This wasn't how things went at all...
As you can see, things didn't quite work out. After an evening of burnt fingers, smoke detectors going off, and several sections of ruined pipes, the clock struck midnight, and I decided that it would be better to just go and buy one.
I was meeting with Luchia the very next morning, so there wasn't much time to waste! I looked up the operating hours of the local toy and porn shop and, to my surprise they opened at 8am! Perfect!
I woke up early to get everything done that I needed to do. Switching out vehicles, going to the bank, getting coffee! (and then later, more coffee.)
Finally, at 745 I saw that their sign already had the bright neon glow of the "open" sign shining out of their front window.
Running inside I went straint for the "bondage" room. I'd been here plenty of times before, and knew right where it would be.
I had never looked for this type of device before though... so I had no idea what to look for really, except for what I had seen online.
In a glass case there were several versions of the cb-6000. They shined, they glimmered, they looked amazing... and they were one-hundred and seventy-five dollars.
I didn't like this at all. We're planning for a wedding and I can't spend that much.
So I looked at another one in a different display. The black plastic cage design of the Master Series "Captive Confinement Cage." only eighty-five dollars.
One month before our wedding we would remain celibate from each other. It wouldn't be easy we both knew, for we'd grown accustomed to our great sex life, however we want our honeymoon to be something special. We want to discover each other all over again.
I made the extra promise that I would not masturbate for the duration either. To her, this is no great task. Women always seem to have an easier time with holding off. For me...
It was Wednesday of last week that I gave into my baser desires. For me, to cum isn't just a desire, or a craving, it's a physical need. A strong yearning much like intense hunger, or thirst. I think it's the same for most men. There's just something about having a full body of cum that cries out for release! This was no excuse though. I had made a promise.
I've broken promises before.
I've broken so many promises that I had begun to forget what the word meant. But that was before. Before her. Before my Lover. Before Luchia.
It's a fitting name she's taken for herself, Luchia. She's brought me into the light from where I was before. I used to break promises. My Mistress gives me reason to keep them.
Our relationship has been built on a solid foundation of trust. We have been sharing secrets with each other for years now. Before we were Lovers. She and I have shared many things since as well, and never once have I broken a promise to her, nor she to me!
Understand now why my heart was heavy when I broke my promise to her.
Before I would have shrugged my shoulders. I would have moved on and tried again.
But that was before.
This is a new relationship built on something stronger than the last.
I had made a new promise in my head. A new idea to make things up to her. I would give her the ultimate gift that I knew how to give.
I would give her control over a piece of me which I could not control on my own.