Monday, August 12, 2013

Chastity is painful in a way I had never expected


A quote from my Mistress, Luchia.

You see, neither of us are used to spending so very much time without touching ourselves. She has been keeping herself from cumming as well for this month. She's better at it mentally than I am, so she doesn't need the chastity belt.

However this previous weekend she came to visit, and let me out for the weekend. She is a kind Mistress. I was relieved because I was dying to have a real shower! She did one better though. She touched me, and teased me. She stroked me and ran her fingers up and down my penis, and oh how sensitive it is now!

I was absolutely amazed at the amount of sensitivity I had regained in the skin in just 14 days of it not touching my pants, or rubbing against anything at all!

We played several times that day. Both of us. I made her cum. We didn't actually have any penetrating sex. We want to save that for when we're actually married. I mean, we've done it before, but the point of this month is to make it very special, and tease each other relentlessly! While we didn't have any penetration, we did do some grinding. I was on top of her and slid my penis downward across her sex, and to my surprise, I actually CAME that way!

That's never happened before. The TOP of my dick has never been sensitive enough to feel... well, anything! To cum with just contact with that was AMAZING!

She came a couple more times under my hands, and we spent so much time in each others arms afterwards that it was hard to part.

All this play came at a price though. We are both as raw and as sore as can be! Everything hurts!! I have what is comparable to a papercut all along the bottom side of my shaft, and all around the head of my circumsized penis, just behind the head, is red, and raw, and I even got a blister!

She isn't fairing much better with her lips and labia.

So, with all that being said, we did some talking about the next two weeks. You see, we wanted to do this so that we would be sensitive and receptive to each other on our honeymoon. But we do NOT want to play on the first night of being married, and then not be able to have sex again for a week because we need to HEAL, and walk around funny because we hurt so much!

So she let me off the hook with my CB device to give me time to heal up. Believe me, I won't be touching myself any time soon.

Has anyone else had this trouble? Male or female?

I'm off to get some more Neosporin.


Friday, August 9, 2013

Happy to read words of the like minded

I've recently been accepted into a blog aggregate called Keyheld, which is linked over on the side bar. Since then I've been looking through various posts and links that they have on their home page, and one in particular that caught my eye is this one.

Is male chastity "unmanly"?

It you don't feel like reading the whole thing, that page discusses the 'small and worthless penis' fetish that I see all over the internet. In fact, I've had a lot of conversations about this with friends over the years about bondage and submission involving males.

When women are in submission, there are all different types. Some are gentle (although that is rare, I know) and some is very hard core, but there is certainly a gradient of different types that can be found in the vastness of the internet. However when there are submissive males viewed in porn or text or captioned images, it seems like the whole fetish of submission involves taking a man and telling him how absolutely worthless and undeserving he is.

I have a submissive side, and it does go into the realms of kink quite a bit, however watching porn where the man is considered a worthless waste of space is not appealing to me.

Since I've gotten this chastity belt I've looked up videos on chastity and so far, every one of them has involved women talking about how worthless the cock is, and how much it might as well fall off, and how much better they are than I am.

This isn't submission, this is abuse.

When men are portrayed as submissive in porn culture they are often treated like dirt. Their faces are driven into the ground and they are all but raped by cruel dominatrixes. Where are the trained and guided submissives? Where are the men who aren't "tricked" or "forced" into their roll?
Where are the women who value their submissive, and treat them like a valuable resource to them, instead of as a worthless loser who isn't worth the time of day?

One passage from the link I shared above that I liked was this.

Why would she need to bother locking up my cock if it were worthless? That idea completely escapes her; if it’s worthless, then what’s the point? Why even bother with it? Just let it loose and ignore it, then you don’t need to put up with the whining and cleaning and all that. Worthless? No, not for her, and certainly not what she envisions for herself or for me.
No, she wants it caged and controlled. She wants dominion over my cock because she knows how enjoyable it can be for her. She wants to make sure that I’m ready for those occasions when she wants it, and she wants my manly, male energy tightly controlled so that she can focus it at her own discretion. She wants my testosterone flowing, and knows that keeping me sexually edgy has many benefits for her, whether or not she chooses to unlock it. No, Mrs. Edge wants me locked up not because I’m worthless, but because I’m valuable. And that, my friends, makes me feel very special, indeed.
Now, I don't see myself as being the epitome of manliness by any means. I'm not perfect. I'm not a body builder, and I am not always the most confident and controlled person in the world. However it's nice to be treated like I have worth and value, even when I am submitting to someone. It's nice to have the work that is put in be respected in some way.

This doesn't mean I just want to be pampered all the time. I still have the desire to be used, pushed to the edge of my limits, maybe even humiliated a bit. I want to get fucked until I can't see straight, I want to be edged until I go crazy. I want to see how far I can go before I can't take it any more, and then be forced to go just that one step farther! Why? I don't know. However I do know that I can't do it by myself. I need someone who I trust to help take me there.

I'm lucky enough to have an open minded lover, who doesn't judge me for the crazy kinks that go on in my head. I trust her to take me to that edge and then push me over without letting me fall and hurt myself. And she has trusted me in the past to do the same with her.

I just wish that the porn culture would reflect this type of organic style of submission more often, instead of all the masculine rape porn that pervades the internet. Where does all the hate come from? Who really wants to lock up their man for their entire lives, solder the lock closed and then laugh about it? That's not fun, or sexy. That's just mean.

I've always considered sex to be the way that adult best friends play with each other, in the same way children play in the sand box and imagine and play games.
But any child that plays the way some of these captioned images or videos portray, are bullies, and as far as I'm concerned, they have no place outside of perhaps a short lived scene, or extreme fantasy.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

One more night gone by

I've finally gotten used to sleeping in this CB now I think. I didn't wake up at all last night with a painful erection, and when I woke up this morning the ring that wraps behind my testicles caused almost no irritation at all due to the morning wood. Normally it takes  a bit of time to pull my tight skin back through the ring to give my swollen balls some room. I had to do that this morning too (and  will throughout the day) but it didn't hurt as much as it normally does.

I thought I was home free! Then I took a few steps.
They've been sensitive, and are growing more so all the time, but I took a few steps this morning and as my balls brushed against my legs I was close to kneeling down and cumming right there.

It. Felt. So. Good.

Can you imagine? Cumming just from a gentle brush against my balls?!

I hope today is easier than yesterday, but the way things have started I'm not sure...

Today is day 11.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

On the edge of my sanity this morning.

My testicles have never been exposed and away from my body for this long before in my entire life.
This has been an interesting experience so far, but today it's almost unbearable. Not painful in any way, but so arousing that it's all I can do not to kneel down on the floor where I stand and just cup them, and massage them until my eyes roll back in my head.
I don't know why, all of a sudden, this morning my body has finally given way into this hyper arousal. Has this happened to anyone else?
Maybe it was the excitement and teasing of last nights meeting with Luchia that's pushed me over the edge.
I work alone for the most part during the day cleaning and painting rental apartments. Today this is a very good thing because I've found myself literally stopped in mid swipe with a cleaning rag, staring at nothing and panting for breath, my mouth watering as an overwhelming rush sweeps over my body, centered at my swollen, pulsating testicles.
17 days left of waiting. I know that I can make it, but I hope I'll still be sane.
Am I being a big baby? I knew it would be hard, but I never expected feeling quite like this.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Some things are better than sex

Tonight I met with Luchia after work. We live so far away that it is a carefully planed out event when we get to see each other. I drove an hour, and she met up with me about 30 minutes outside of where she works, and we got Thai food together. It was spicy and delicious.

No sex, just talk of our day, and about our wedding, and people and each others dreams and desires. These are some of the best times. Just spending time with each other is important. If sex was everything then the relationship would be flat, and empty. Living life together takes more than just physical gratification.

Besides, if we didn't like spending time together without sex, then chastity would be unbearable wouldn't it?

After dinner we retreated to the back seat of my car underneath some trees in the far side of the parking lot where nobody was around. We snuggled up in the back, and she laid in my arms while we discussed our marriage vows that we would say to each other.
We laughed and poked at each other. There was indeed plenty of flirting too though now that we weren't in the public eye.

Oh to kiss her... Her tongue tasted sweet, despite the spicy food we had eaten. I lifted her shirt enough to feel the flesh of her waist as we kissed in a way that we've been to rushed, or too busy to kiss like for what seems like a hundred years.

She even sang me a song as we lay in the back seat. She sang soft and slow, of a place of rest and release, of peace and home. She sang into my ear and into my neck and I could feel the shiver of her closeness spread down my spine and into the small of my back where the energy rested and sank deep within me.

18 more days. We recited this to each other over and over. We're both counting down. We both want the wait to be over just as bad as the other.

I have a feeling that it will go by faster than we think, however every day may seem like an eternity. Collectively, it's only two full weekends.

There is still much to do between now and then, and I'm sure that they will get done. But all the while in the background my passion grows. I can not wait to be married to her.

Vivid imagination

For the past couple of days I have been dreaming all through the night. I don't know why I've been resting right on the edge of sleep so much, but that's where I get the most vivid dreams.
I shouldn't have to specify that many of them involve sex of some kind. However, as though my body knows that I'm unable to actually cum, I am even wearing my chastity harness in my dreams!

The other night I had a dream where I was in the water, at the beach swimming and when I came out I had lost my suit, but I was still wearing my cage. Instead of shock or laughter it was met with careful artistic consideration, but I felt exposed. Then Mistress Luchia walked me up to one of those seaside bars and had me sit on the counter while we had small talk with the bartender. Luchia was showing me off proudly and happily, but I remember being more than a little embarrassed about it all. I woke up that morning slightly before my alarm when she started, in the dream, to tease me to get me hard in the cage to show some people who were asking questions, then I woke up straining against the plastic walls. I had to take a shower to get it to go down!

Last night I dreamed that I was out in public with my Mistress. We were talking with friends and having a grand time, I was again naked, and she kept hinting that we should get out of there to go be alone.
She chased me around the room playfully and then down the street until we came to our small 2nd story flat somewhere a little ways outside of downtown of the city we were in. I was to go upstairs and get ready and she was going to join me in a bit. Then I just remember some flashes of intimacy and the sweet feeling of her fingertips through the tiny holes in the cage.

Eventually this dream turned into a more mundane one involving a long walk down a road with a blind man and a bear... I'm not sure what that one meant, but I was at least clothed for it!

This is day 9. I have read blogs of other men in chastity that last for months, or even over a year! I don't know if that would be very fun. I'm not a through and through submissive. Don't get me wrong, I am quite submissive, and I love the feeling of it! However it's not my permanent state of being. My lover and I are equals in life. I give myself to her as she gives herself to me, and we would have it no other way.

This month is worth every moment of frustration. In some ways though I think I would have done better to keep my mind off of sex if I didn't have this on. I thought I might get used to it and have more time for other things, but it seems I'm even more distracted by sexual thoughts than I was before! Just now, I can have no release.

I'll last, and I'll survive. This is just has a very interesting newness to it.

I get to see her again tonight. We're going over our vows. I can't wait.

Monday, August 5, 2013

8 days

When I first pressed closed the lock on my CB-6000 after fitting it last Sunday I was sure that I would have at least some reprieve from my confinement throughout the week.

That wasn't the case.

I saw my Lover a few times through the week, but never long enough, or in the right location to offer me a moment to let me 'breath.' When I was on my way to see her, part of me hoped that that might happen. That I might get a few moments to be able to be free of my confines. Though, when I actually was in her presence I was so thrilled to get to be with her that I mostly forgot about being locked away in chastity and was just overjoyed to be in the presence of Luchia.

It's been 8 days now that I've been locked away. I've been unable to touch myself except for the use of the hand held shower sprayer. It's a wonderful feeling, those warm jets of water, but they're not nearly enough to get me off. Just a comfortable tease!

I never thought I'd be able to last this long, but the CB is a comfortable fit. The sheath is still a bit long I think, but that hasn't been too much of a problem overall. And for anyone who thinks that I'm cheating, when I wake up with morning wood, it's just as confining as the CBs would be. I'm pressed hard up against the point where the cage curves down, and my balls are pulled tight away from my body.

The first few days this was painful and would wear on me. Now it's become one of the nicest parts of the day. A moment of erection. A sweet relief. Even some actual sensation against the skin of my shaft! Oh it's heavenly to wake up hard, to massage my sensitive balls in the morning.

My day to day life has been fairly normal now after I got used to moving about with the cage on. I can't bend over quite as well, or else I'll end up pinching things. I also have to be careful to cross my legs just so if I'm in public places, else people around me will see what to them might seem like a small erection of a very large flaccid penis! Not something I really want to be showing off in polite company. Although Luchia laughed a bit at this and seemed almost delighted to brush off what others might think when they were staring at me. "Nobody's looking at your crotch anyway." I hope she's right.

19 days to go before the night before the wedding. I don't know if I'll get free before then, but I suppose time will tell. To think about the coming days it seems like an eternity! However, looking back at the past 8, it's almost as though they all went by in an instant. Funny how time does that.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

I just wished I Could be milked

I have never been so horny in my life. I don't think so anyway. Not since I was first discovering myself.

Wandering around town today I was rubbing against the seat of my truck. I find myself pressing into things constantly. Now that I'm at home I try to occupy myself with cleaning, projects that I need to get done, downloading music, dishes, ANYTHING, but my mind just keeps going back to sex.

Normally I have sex on the mind, but when I come the urge dissipates for a while anyway. right now I can't masturbate no matter how badly I want to, but my balls are heavy and full, and I can feel my insides yearning for some kind of release.

I didn't think it would be this difficult after only a WEEK!! I mean really? Am I that desperate? I feel like I'm a failure as a person for wanting sex SO BADLY! I'm typing in all caps for pete's sake.

I mean, how is it so easy for girls to go so long without sex? And I feel like other guys must be able to go more than a week. Am I just weak willed? I must be or else I wouldn't have needed the cage I suppose...

The cage is awesome, but it's also extremely frustrating. All I want is to cum! Just a little! I'd take precum!
The urge to get fucked has never been greater either. I enjoy anal penetration, sure, but right now I NEED it. Just the thought of sitting down on my Mistresses big cock and rocking back and forth on it makes my mouth water. Just the idea of resting the head of it inside of me right on my prostate and grinding down against it makes me strain against my constraints!

I need to find something to get my mind of of this. I made the agreement that I wouldn't cum unless I'm with her, and I promised long before that I wouldn't fuck myself with Mistress Luchia's cock unless I asked her first, so it's not going anywhere but back in the drawer (I just wanted to show you all.)
But wow do I wish it was in something else...

I thought it was annoying...

I have to bathe a couple of times a day. Not full on showers mind you, but I do have to keep the inside of this cage clean. Hygiene is important. With all of the water though, yesterday the piece of Gaff tape that I had holding the lock down fell off. Laziness has caused me not to put it back on. I haven't really been out in public, so the little clicking noise that the lock makes isn't a real threat of embarrassment.

At first I couldn't really stand the clicking everywhere I went. CLICK CLICK CLICK! All through the house. It's been a little over 36 hours now though, and I've gotten used to it. More than used to it, I've actually started to enjoy it! The small rattling of the cage gives me a little bump every time it connects, and that feels good as I move around. Any sensation feels good! But it's also the sound.

Like a cats small bell, this lock is a symbol of ownership, and of trust. I know that my lover will treat me well, and so this lock is a pleasant reminder if that love. When I hear it click click clicking away when I walk around, I remember with every step why I'm doing this. At first it was a little annoying, but now I catch myself swinging my hips around some just to make it jingle.

Some people might think I'm crazy, and maybe I am, but I enjoy it.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Morning Wood partially arrives!

I love having a day off from work! It means that I can lie in bed, stretch myself out to the morning sounds outside, and slowly take on the day instead of having to jump out of bed and leave so suddenly!

This morning I was met with a bit of pain though. It's a dull ache, but it's distracting, and such a wonderful change of pace that it actually feels kind of good!

My penis decided it needed to stretch itself out too, and pushed its way all the way to the end of the sheath! It went down a bit when I took the picture, but a few moments before I was swollen out of the confines of my cage, pressing against every millimeter of plastic!

It felt amazing.

I'm so sensitive from having no real contact to my penis for 5 days (It's only been that long?) that even the slightest sensation is enough to send a shiver down my back.

I don't know though. Is this cheating? Some people have commented that my sheath is too long, and I should have the shorter one to prevent this very thing. I partially agree, but I don't have the money to upgrade right now. And at the moment, I am so glad I didn't, because this is incredible.
Not nearly enough stimulus to cum, but enough to give me a very happy morning.

Time for coffee and a muffin now. I wonder how long this erection will last.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

A slow build

I've found that my balls are a bit swollen after not cumming for so long. I just have to wait it out. She let me out last week and teased me until getting me off by hand. I had gone for 4 days that time, and I shot a load bigger than she'd ever seen! That was fun to hear the "Ohh wooow!!" come from her. She was having all kinds of fun, and so was I!

The ball discomfort isn't so bad really. It comes and goes. For me anyway. I've never really gotten blue balls before though. (Maybe I masturbated too often.)

I have also been thinking that once I take this off, my sack will probably hang lower than before. It used to be safely tucked up into my body most of the day while I worked and did stuff, but now they're proudly on display no matter what I'm doing! They can't retreat into my body at all!! So I'm wondering what they'll look like once the month is over... I asked Luchia what she thought about that and she said "Well, it's your body. If you're ok with it then I don't mind." I guess we'll see.

All I know right now is that they are far more sensitive than they've ever been before. I find myself stroking them in the evening before bed. When I take showers I hold the water on them for prolonged periods of time, and it feels phenomenal.

I've also caught myself leaning my crotch into things during the day. Counter tops, doors, chairs. When I'm cleaning something by the sink or leaning over a table to grab things, just that small bit of pressure is enough to send my insides aglow. I have never had such a low level arousal stay with me all. day. long before.

I mean, I have always been horny all day. I always have the desire to cum, but it was different. Normally my arousal is more piercing. "I have to jack off nooow!" and I will, and it'll be done with for a while. What I'm experiencing now is like a slow burning ember deep in the base of my testicles. It's like tantric sex. I can feel the slow build just sitting there, waiting to release.

Soon enough. I just have to be patient.

4 days

It's only been four days since I set the lock onto my new CB-6000, but it feels like it's been weeks. I've grown accustomed to wearing it now, and I can move around pretty much unhindered during normal day to day activities. I even used a chainsaw and mowed the lawn. That's good news. No pinching and no welts. Unlike the other cage, this one isn't giving me small cuts along the bottom of my testicles either!

I posted some of my findings up on 4chan and there is quite a discussion going on over there. I've been told that instead of buying the CB-6000 I should have gotten the CB-6000s. The s stands for Small, and it would take away some of the empty space at the end of my cage.
If I had known about that before I bought this one, then I probably would have. Having all of the extra space is actually quite difficult to deal with. I've got to shower twice a day just to keep it cleaned out after I pee. It's not the worst thing in the world though.

Another modification I had to do was use some tape to tape the lock to the device. If I didn't, then it would rattle around, and when I walked I was like a cat with a bell. This might be good in a lot of scenarios, but not when I'm at work, or visiting family!

I am so horny. I had a dream last night where I was being seduced by a ghost as I walked through a deserted campground. She kept giving me a 'come hither' finger, and grinning at me, but I could never get close enough to her. I woke up twice with a raging erection, and the head of my cock fighting against the tube of the cage.

I have 23 days left. Then I'll be released for the wedding. Shortly after I'll be able to sleep with my new wife. If four days felt like weeks, how long will the next 23 feel like?